My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ok first of all what the fuck
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
