Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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