I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
