I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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