I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
