im holly from the hills drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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