she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
