My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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