Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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