Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Randomize
