Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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