He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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