we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
