hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
