If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
