just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
