i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
