You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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