I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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