I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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