I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
