I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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