I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
