I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
