literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
