remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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