Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
