Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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