I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
