I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
