Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
