I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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