Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
