Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
