I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
