Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
