Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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