OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
