The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
