she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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