Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
