Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
