morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
