i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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