Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
