u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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