he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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