I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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