Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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