You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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