they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
