last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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